"Aur is dil me kya rakha hai.. tera hi dard chhupa rakha hai"
The women doing their rehab at Sahara Women and Children Home sang along this old bollywood song today while weaving colorful bracelets. I was lucky to be finally included in a 'sharing' session with the 9-10 women after a month or so of my working here.
One of the clients (as they are called), Zaheen shared her story of how she got back to drugs after staying clean for 5 years. The 3 days of relapse, she counseled other clients, washed away all her efforts of building back her life after years of drug abuse. The reason was familiar to many of them - a man she loved, who didn't love her back enough. Zaheen cited her extreme anger for that man as the cause of the relapse, but I felt that helplessness and grief had their roles to play. Now she is calm, more sorted, and healing for a fresh battle to make something of her life.
Zaheen is one of the lucky ones, who understands the value of a good life, and possesses the will and strength of getting one for herself. A usual client's rehab process starts with a need to get away from the miseries of addiction, a lifeless, troublesome body and a life reduced to just procuring a 'fix'. The dream of building a good life is a distant one. Slowly, through the multiple cycles of rehabs and relapses, the ones who finally realize what they want to make out of their lives and are able to gather enough courage, are the ones who finally succeed in getting through sustainably.
As the discussion went forward, we talked about how women are so strong, but become so weak for the men we love. How come we give these men so much power to destroy us, finish us, again and again? Why do we let love make us, and then destroy us?
I found (lack of) love and acceptance as the general theme in all the stories of these mature women, be it from a man, family, kids or society. It makes them helpless, weak and vulnerable. These women's thoughts about love and men are not new to me, nor are their stories of betrayal and apathy. Then why? What is the difference between them and all the other women who have told me the same stories? Hoping to get some answers soon..
The women doing their rehab at Sahara Women and Children Home sang along this old bollywood song today while weaving colorful bracelets. I was lucky to be finally included in a 'sharing' session with the 9-10 women after a month or so of my working here.
One of the clients (as they are called), Zaheen shared her story of how she got back to drugs after staying clean for 5 years. The 3 days of relapse, she counseled other clients, washed away all her efforts of building back her life after years of drug abuse. The reason was familiar to many of them - a man she loved, who didn't love her back enough. Zaheen cited her extreme anger for that man as the cause of the relapse, but I felt that helplessness and grief had their roles to play. Now she is calm, more sorted, and healing for a fresh battle to make something of her life.
Zaheen is one of the lucky ones, who understands the value of a good life, and possesses the will and strength of getting one for herself. A usual client's rehab process starts with a need to get away from the miseries of addiction, a lifeless, troublesome body and a life reduced to just procuring a 'fix'. The dream of building a good life is a distant one. Slowly, through the multiple cycles of rehabs and relapses, the ones who finally realize what they want to make out of their lives and are able to gather enough courage, are the ones who finally succeed in getting through sustainably.
As the discussion went forward, we talked about how women are so strong, but become so weak for the men we love. How come we give these men so much power to destroy us, finish us, again and again? Why do we let love make us, and then destroy us?
I found (lack of) love and acceptance as the general theme in all the stories of these mature women, be it from a man, family, kids or society. It makes them helpless, weak and vulnerable. These women's thoughts about love and men are not new to me, nor are their stories of betrayal and apathy. Then why? What is the difference between them and all the other women who have told me the same stories? Hoping to get some answers soon..
I generally feel that the explanation of the women in rehab that lack of love threw them into addiction may not be true, but only a justification. the main reason is probably easy access to the drugs. It may be that they are sad about lack of this love and acceptance,but this can only act as contributing force. Probably absence of a direction that what to do can be a reason.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I have no idea, I think, they always have this "lack of love thing" in the back of their mind for justification when required. For the first time sadness may be true but after sometime I think they would not understand when this cutoff turns into pleasure and then requirement and they always justify by saying that it is because lack of love.
I am looking forward to reading more in this blog on the many perspectives they have :)
:) Thanks for commenting! Of course, (lack of) love is not the only reason. As you said, easy availability of drugs and other numerous vulnerabilities like survival are the main culprits for introduction to and continued abuse. I'll explore the other reasons, and their possible solutions in the coming blogs! The things that struck me most in the above discussion with the women, is how similar all this sounds, and how love is at the very base of it. I hope to write a post on how at the same time, love is a reason and beacon for these women to make it through rehabilitation.
ReplyDeleteYou're right about the cutoff and the subsequent step of 'fixing' becoming a requirement. For the ones who have relapsed, however, I think the pleasure bit is usually not true though. They know what they are getting into, and the reasons they shouldn't be in it. Anyway, there's lots to learn, and less to predict!
What most of the women/men who become addicts don't understand that addiction will keep them in the pain forever instead of pulling them out of it.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if these women have their other support systems (own parents,close friends etc) in place. Gross or I can say a criminal neglect by their own family sometimes become a very big factor that draws them towards addiction. Most of them understand the consequences of their addiction but I guess they are too afraid to start all over again and have the patience and courage to bare their soul open once again....